Musings on Becoming a Psychotherapist
~ William Wordsworth"For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils."
The chrysalis:
So while my peers were hanging out in the relative narcosis of youth debating the coolest fashion statements, I began immersing myself in the more nurturing, edifying, and solitary world of psychological, philosophical and spiritual contemplation. I devoured literature addressing existential-humanistic concerns as well as psychological and spiritual pathways toward transmuting suffering into insight, healing and higher states of awareness. I also closely studied and wrote about my own streams of consciousness and dreams as a means of trying to make sense of my emotional turbulence.
I gradually became more and more familiar with my inner cottage garden of creeping and climbing thoughts, feelings and subjective perceptions. These late teenage into young adulthood years began to cultivate what would become my increasingly intimate connection with a cozy and consistent Inner Beloved Friend- a warm bedrock upon whom I could rely for comfort, stability and intuitive wisdom.
The challenging psychological pilgrimage born in my youth, kindled by my introspective nature and toughened in the harsh weather of my emotional pain, would prove to be a serious inspiration for my becoming a more authentic and self-aware human being as well as an empathic psychotherapist. It helped me to develop a keen capacity for witnessing subtle details in both my intrapsychic and external world. It encouraged me to deepen my understanding of the thicket of my mind, its twisting and tangling undergrowth. It provoked me to hybridize and refine my felt and conceptual insights into the human psyche. It tenderized me toward beginning to care about others, their psychological struggles and their suffering. The arduous cocoon of my childhood and youth was a hothouse for my growth as a soulful person.
~ Thomas Bien"The Buddhist word for compassion (karuna) means a clear intention or wish to help relieve the suffering of another person. Mindfulness is clearly not detached. It is not the removed, distanced, objective awareness of the scientist. It is warm, human awareness, a caring and understanding kind of awareness."
I realized at the age of sixteen that if I was to grow my wings and emerge from my angst flight worthy, I would have to take responsibility for my own process of growth and wellness. This sober confrontation with reality instilled in me a need to seek my own internal authority and psychological benefactor. Secondly, I resolved that if I were to successfully survive this ordeal, I would dedicate my life to trying to help others as they struggled to emerge from their own chrysalis of pain and confusion.
These were glimmers of my budding psycho-spiritual path, one which began to embrace the true meaning of the word "compassion": the sincere desire to help to alleviate another's suffering. I vowed to one day devote myself to caring for other people. I knew that I would engage in this calling in a much more humane and heartfelt fashion than what I had experienced. This promise started to infuse my being with a sense of purpose, hope and meaning. I slowly began to re- embody my life.