~ Mirabai"O friend, understand.
The body is like the ocean,
rich with hidden treasures.
Open your innermost chamber
And light its lamp.
Within the body are gardens,
Rare flowers, peacocks;
the inner Music; Within the body a
Lake of bliss,
On it, the white soul-swans take their joy."
Areas of Experience
Self-Actualization, Empowerment & Intimacy:
In addition to treating trauma and its myriad symptoms, I also have a great deal of experience in cultivating its related polarity self-actualization: the innate human drive for growth, awareness, fulfillment and wholeness. The latter is a construct embraced by existential-humanistic psychotherapists who deeply believe in the existence of an intrinsic human potential that motivates each person to develop himself to his fullest capacity. This inborn life force energy can be extremely inhibited when the individual’s basic needs and self-esteem have been compromised by being buried under years of traumatic debris. The initial task is to liberate the person from the rubble of shame, fear and other remnants of torn heartedness and then nourish her natural tendency toward self- actualization. Thus, instead of limiting the healing process to a repair of broken parts and an amelioration of problems in living, I believe that the remediation of obvious symptoms is only the first leg of the journey.
A crucial aspect of my work with clients is helping them to establish a more positive, sturdy and embodied experience of self-worth and acceptance. This process of self-actualization includes the development of a realistic self-regard and dignity, the strengthening of an abiding sense of internal security and freedom, as well as the cultivation of a capacity to maturely express one's truths with others. The person begins to experience more of an internal locus of control such that appraisals of situations and decision making are grounded more in one's inner self (one's perceptions, needs and standards) rather than being based solely on external dictates. The goal is to establish an enhanced sense of connected autonomy, empowerment, awareness, and self-trust.
Becoming self-empowered means accepting responsibility for one's own development and choices. Although the journey of self-actualization can inspire moments of feeling intense joy and expansive exhilaration, this process also involves a great deal of struggle, uncertainty and anxiety as old self-structures and defenses are slowly dismantled. The pathway toward wholeness is fraught with existential fears: "Who am I without my habitual ways of being?"; "Will others accept me when I am no longer taking care of their needs?"; "How can I discover new meanings for my life when the old purposes no longer sustain me?”; “Will I be strong enough to face terrifying periods of existential aloneness if I part ways with some of my current unhealthy relationships?"
Self-actualization requires a great deal of risk taking, letting go of habitual and restrictive (though often comfortable) belief systems, stepping into the unknown, bringing one's attention back over and over again to observing compassionately one's inner experience, and dedicating oneself day by day to the often strenuous process of change. This is a journey that demands immense courage and enduring determination. One must be willing to traverse many pitch dark passages of fear and discouragement when the past can seem like a cairn of haggard bones, repeatedly resurrecting as spooky and relentless obstacles that seem to prevent one’s forward movement. Freedom from old painful patterns, contentment, happiness, and peace can sometimes feel like a mirage, beyond reach, unobtainable, or at least light years away.
~ Richard Moss"A relationship can be thought of as a 'space' or an energetic dynamic that is created between two or more people depending on where those individuals start from in themselves."
One of the many rewards of this journey is learning how to experience greater intimacy with oneself as well as with others. A systems modality of psychotherapy that I find absolutely fascinating is group and couple's depth therapy. If you think about how intricate and multilayered an individual's singular psychological make-up is and then you add that person's intrapsychic world and interpersonal style to those of others, you create a very rich and synergistic field, in which each person affects the other(s) in multitudinous and multidirectional ways.
I have worked as a psychotherapist with couples continuously from my early graduate student training years until the present. A depth orientation to couple's work is so much more profound than merely teaching communication skills and examining interpersonal behaviors. It requires a substantial understanding of each individual's psychological dynamics as well as a deep appreciation for how these individual traits and processes interface with those of another human being, moment by moment. Each micro interaction between two people simultaneously impacts both parties individually and influences the creation of a "third entity"- the relationship. This relationship is constantly evolving into its own unique Being, one that both encompasses and yet transcends the particularities of each individual.
One of the most significant aspects of couple's therapy is teaching each individual to deeply recognize and take responsibility for his/her own internal dynamics as they unfold in the present moment. Secondly, each person must then learn to express his own subjectivity with the other in a manner that is respectful, clear and effective. Recognizing one's psychological interiority requires the person to understand her sub-selves (i.e. inner children) and witness how each aspect of self is currently perceiving and responding to the other's communications, both verbal and non-verbal. In addition to intimately knowing and expressing one's inner self, each person must also learn to simultaneously understand the other individual's complex and ever changing subjectivity.
A healthy, intimate, and growing relationship requires a balanced attention and honoring of each person's own individual needs and experiences while still nourishing and demonstrating a steady empathic attunement toward the other's feelings and desires. What a wildly meaningful and powerfully transformative meeting of multifaceted souls this relational journey can be!
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